Kylie Jenner More Tits, More Theories

Kylie Jenner took time out of her hectic school day to tan her tits and dip her toes into the conspiracy theories that primarily dwell in the minds of the mumbling homeless and Hollywood celebrities. Jenner chose chemtrails for her dissertation. Chemtrail savants such as Roseanne Barr and Prince believe the U.S. government, the Trilateral Commission and Voldemort are conspiring to kill the honey bees and make James Franco’s even more fake gay by spreading poison behind Southwest jets on their fourth of seven stops between anywhere and Nashville.

Stupid chicks with big racks are the world’s most precious commodity and a necessity if you want to throw a successful backyard BBQ. If you can put aside the image of a D-list rapper bukkake party on her face, Kylie Jenner could easily be your best girlfriend ever. I agree that jet engine condensation trails are really an experimental Hydra poison and you agree to swear to the hotel manager you’re eighteen. Spit in your palm and rub my dick and we have a binding Kardashian contract.

Photo Credit: Instagram