Heels Are the Tools of French Oppressors

Actress Emily Blunt joined a chorus of up to three other people who complained about the Cannes Film Festival insisting that women walking the red carpet wear heels rather than flats. Formal attire has been the rule at this inane film festival since forever. Gowns and heels for women. Men in black tie with all accoutrements also black or white only. Even monochromatic condoms must be deployed in the bathroom glory holes. Barebacking is très gauche and even more offensive than heels. The shoe outrage got wrapped up into the sexism in the movie industry debate when people intentionally tried to confuse the two because they’re boring and predictable.

Finding little traction in their outrage because they’re rich and silly and nobody gives a shit about rich and silly people complaining about their ten thousand dollar shoes, the heel protestors started suggesting that the elderly and disabled were also being turned away from the Palais when arriving in flats. Damn you, Frenchies. It’s one thing to codify your blanket hatred of women, another when you start spitting on the handicapped. Double amputee? I care not. Put on those stilettos or turn the fuck around.  A very shitty European movie is about to begin. This is an outrage. I think. Meh, just go with it and Tweet something with lots of exclamation points. Better safe than sorry.

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