Bobby Flay Maybe Knocked Up January Jones

Court papers filed by Bobby Flay’s estranged wife allege he had three affairs during their ten year marriage, signifying she remains shockingly naive about the whole thing. Jesus was a carpenter. Throw in the bank teller maybe something will stick. Included in Flay’s affair rolodex is the mumbling bore January Jones who gave birth to a mystery scratch-off child in 2011. Jones has kept the father’s identity under wraps, but Flay is a candidate as is her X-Men director Matthew Vaughn and every other dude in Hollywood with his own TV show. Flay’s wife claims to have proof of the affair including some racy text messages between him and Jones where she asks him to role play Harvey Weinstein as a horny fireman Groundlings style. Jones is now rumored to be dating Will Forte, her co-star on Fox’s Last Men on Earth who also happens to be the executive producer. There’s a dribble of DNA leading back to item one on her IMDB page. DNA testing should narrow this down to someone of Germanic ancestry who crossed the Bering Strait somewhere during the Pleistocene. How do you say cum bucket in French?

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