Khloe Kardashian Junior Detective

Kylie Jenner dumped her older rapper boyfriend Tyga because Blac Chyna posted photos of dirty texts her ex boyfriend had sent her recently. Also, because he just tattooed Kylie’s name on his arm as a big fuck you to karma. Kylie’s non-gay vagina father chimed in with advice to his daughter that she ought to hear Tyga’s side of the story before breaking off their magnificent statutory rape relationship. Straight out of the Ward Cleaver playbook.

Now, Khloe Kardashian has advice for her little half sister on how to spot if her black celebrity boyfriend is cheating. It’s a four pronged protocol based on her own time with Lamar Odom who fucked half the Asian prostitutes in Los Angeles trying to drown out Khloe’s awkward sex squeal:

• Smell his clothes for female fragrances
• Go through his collared shirts to look for lipstick stains
• Adjust the passenger seat of his car to your own settings, if it’s changed the next time you get in the car, ask to see his dick immediately
• If he comes home and immediately takes a shower or bath, also ask to see his dick immediately.

It’s  unclear what the seventeen year old is supposed to do once her boyfriend whips out his junk for inspection. Yell at it? You could swab for DNA I suppose. The Kardashians have their own basement lab where Khloe’s own genetic lineage is kept in a candy cane shaped vault. Somebody could give Kylie advice not to fuck older rappers with babies and vindictive ex-girlfriends. This is the time you wish that Baltimore mom was everybody’s mom. Whack whack. Your eye socket will heal, bitch. I love you enough to beat  you away from your third abortion. That’s the one you take to your grave.

 Photo credit: Getty Images