Pamela Anderson’s Son Serves Her Well

Pamela Anderson brought a young man out to the Gunman premiere and told everybody it was her son. It seemed relatively plausible. The kid worked the party with snippets of his mom’s sex tape on his iPad and politely asked all the older rich guys if they wanted to be his new daddy. Pam mainlined so much Botox into her temple that the right hemisphere of her body collapsed ten centimeters, from her eyelid down to her right tit. Pacquiao could have given her three lefts to the body and she’d have only noticed from the backwash of Jager streaming back out of her liver. Everybody gushed over Pam’s son since they hadn’t seen him since he was just a toddler. Neither had Pam, but again, not able to gush.

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