Miley’s Fans Threaten Every Girl Patrick Schwarzenegger Has Ever Touched

Patrick Schwarzenegger doesn’t look much like his dad, maybe if his dad had taken multivitamins and tap classes instead of steroid doping and military presses. Still, you’d best look out for a dude whose dad fucked everything with a heartbeat and a hairnet during his marriage to mom. Earlier this week, the Schwarzenegger kid who is doing ‘some USC’ hit Cabo San Lucas with his fraternity brothers for a break from being young and rich in Los Angeles. They brought along the Kappa Kappa Kappas, because they’re down to fuck. Nobody wanted to say it, but there it is. One of the sorority sisters put her arms around Patrick in photos that became public and sent the army of Miley Cyrus supporters into a fucking frenzy. Miley got wasted and posted something on Instagram akin to her scoliosis illiterate masterwork:

a most biewteous thang in da whole wide world iz friendship yiew choose dem outta all da billion trillion and beyond dey are da onez dat days seem toooo short with…Yiew wish dey could just go on foreva (that’s why sometimes yiew skip da sleepin part) i am layin in da gra$$ lookin up at all da clouds and tryin to even get a lil solaaaa gaze action jusss bein still … & bein thankful. biewty is all around us and we izzzz so lucky to be on dis planet. (I mean seriously wtf are the chances we all meet da onez we love) Feeling supaaaa blisssssed or maybe I’m juzzzz stone.

Yeah, maybe juzzz stone. Scwhwarzenegger had to make bogus apologies to the world and talk about never hurting the beautiful girl he loves. Which I presume is Miley. That one was confusing. It was about this time more photos emerged, as photos do, of Schwarzengger in Cabo getting sunscreened by his ex-girlfriend, Taylor Burns. That is a bit more suspicious. The gloves went off for the various unhealthy teen girls who live through Miley Cyrus who took to social media to call Burns a stinking ugly whore with a pig vagina. I added that last part for emphasis. For his part, Curt Schilling has remained remarkably quiet because Twitter is only horrible when men say nasty shit. In the end, what have we learned? It’s getting a whole lot harder to cheat on your girlfriend then it used to. That’s honestly all I took away from this.

Photo Credit: Instagram