Cindy Crawford Too Real

The photographer who took this leaked photo of Cindy Crawford claims it was stolen and then photoshopped to make Crawford look past her prime. Also, he concluded that the cops framed OJ. The photographer’s hired a lawyer to send out cease and desist letters to news outlets and the fugly women who use this as their screensaver. Fuck, I’ll be getting two.

This is a slap in the gut to the chorus of Mercer Island lesbians who were empowered by this because they’ve confused being unattractive with making a social statement. Crawford is 49 and has two kids. Nobody expects her to be carved out of marble. It’s some people’s job to look perfect. They’re called models. When they take a fairly revolting photo they normally have the sim card heel crushed by a German porn star and then they mechanically pose in a supine position for hours until they capture the lighting that negates whatever happened here. They cry and post it to Instagram in an attempt to set the record straight.

Crawford is ashamed at what the women’s rights crowd considers real. Because what they consider real is someone at their worst. Both taut sex objects and those confined to a futon have social security cards. That’s the secret. You’re all real. Some are just hotter than others. Have some integrity and gain some more weight. We’re drinking beer at the softball park and liberating the shit out of ourselves.

Photo Credit: Twitter