Vanilla Rice Robbin’ The Hood

Vanilla Ice, whose real name is Vanilla Van Winkle, was arrested on burglary charges in South Florida. Ice has made a first career for himself by flipping foreclosed properties and contributing to Florida’s homeless problem. This is the premise of his show on the DIY Network which you can get as part of your cable package along with that signal we’re blasting into space to see if the aliens respond. Turns out Ice or most likely someone in his street bike crew stole a bunch of worthless shit that was sitting by a foreclosed house such as shitty furniture, a pool heater, and bikes although in Florida a home’s most valuable possessions are typically reserved for the lawn. Worthless is a relative term. Those kids in Haiti survive on less than a dollar a day. So does most of Florida. Pawn enough bikes and hitch a ride on a barge over there and start ballin’. I heard it’s like six miles. Too bad you can’t make crystal meth by grinding cassava.

Photo Credit: Diynetwork.com