The Oprah Will Piss Now

Some random guy was just chilling in his blog office late last Thursday when an unknown woman knocked on his door and announced:

“I have Oprah and she really has to pee. Can she use your bathroom?”

This supplicant happened to be Ava DuVurnay, the director of Selma. She and Oprah were out getting shitfaced prior to their Oscar snub. The guy whipped open the door as Oprah called for her rose petal throwers to illuminate a path to his shitter. Afterwards the guy was super flattered Oprah had stopped by his office since she is too good for the Rite Aid and god forbid a Burger King in a pinch like the rest of us:

“The woman needs to use the ladies room and she stops by our freaking office!!!!!!! What are the odds for gods sakes?? I’m in shock.”

Calm down dipshit, you’re not getting a car. At best, you could lick your toilet seat and become Eskimo brothers with Stedman. Maybe a hint of Gayle. Perhaps you should be asking yourself why Oprah chose your front door to seek bladder sanctuary. Is it possible her Waze app includes finding the fastest route to submissives with Oprah fascinations. I’ll admit, when somebody name drops Oprah outside your door, you at least have to take a peek. When you get a gun to your face and somebody steals all your valuables, that’s when you’ll know it was really her. Damn you, Oprah.

Photo Credit: Instagram