Russian Guy Has Balls Cut Off

Russian soap opera actor Dmitry Nickolaev met a blonde chick at a bar and at some point he got drunk and started making out with her in a sauna. At that point he blacked out and woke up with his balls cut off. To reiterate, this happened in Russia. Police believe the motive was to sell his balls on the black market after they were thoroughly rinsed at a Putt Putt.

“It was done like proper surgery by someone with a medical education.”

Dmitry apparently didn’t realize his balls were gone until much later when he cracked a smile at Russell Brand’s tawdry brand of comedy. According to Russian media he is now doing fine and also that smuggled radio was blasting propaganda. I’d be suspicious this was a ploy for a future reality show but the market for sad men without their balls is currently cornered by Bruce Jenner.