Priscilla Salerno Topless Spill in the Atlantic

In Italy, they call their porn stars ‘erotic models’. I find that a bit more dignified. My grandfather used to call bourbon his ‘medicine’ and the meter maid’s cars say ‘parking services’ on the side. Names are important. For instance, the precise names of the bacteria this Italian erotic model is leeching into U.S. coastal waters off of Miami Beach. Why should the American taxpayers be forced to cover the cost to contain and dredge your water-borne cocci? In the very least I’d like her to fashion something like those BP commercials talking about how the Gulf spill was good for jobs and good for America. We accept sweet lies. If your crabs are killing the sharks that eat thousands of children in South Florida each year, set it to Lee Greenwood and let me know. I’ll pony up.

Photo Credit: Splash