Kristen Stewart Eye Rapes Her Girlfriend

Being suddenly gay seems so last year, but Kristen Stewart is still working out her rage by shamelessly checking out her butch assistant slash girlfriend’s ass in public. Once you’ve wrecked enough men who aren’t your your dad and that chip hasn’t grown any smaller you’re left with lesbianism or drugs. I applaud Kristen for choosing the path that she’ll regret but at least won’t kill her. Plus acid washed jeans and unisex sweaters are only a million times cheaper than Topshop designer wear. Lipstick is a noose. Craigslist up a donor, let’s make a baby and be happy forever.

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