Johnny Manziel Goes To Rehab

It’s possible to hold down a barrister job or even be a Lyft driver as a functioning alcoholic. Not so much as an NFL quarterback in the digital media era. Johnny Manziel has finally entered rehab before his liver falls out of his body. His spokesman who laughs at all his jokes confirmed:

“Johnny knows there are areas in which he needs to improve in order to be a better family member, friend and teammate and he thought the offseason was the right time to take this step.”

We all certainly have areas in which we need to improve. I take shitty care of my house plants. I know that. I too am Johnny Football. Fans of the Cleveland Browns probably wish this had come before he checked into those games and sucked ass while his hands were shaking. Either way, better late than never. This should give Manziel a fighting chance of remaining in the league a couple lackluster years before he retires and joins Dennis Rodman on a permanent booze cruise around NoKo.

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