Prince Andrew, Clinton, Dershowitz, Somebody Shnozzed This Underaged Girl

I don’t get squeamish very often. Cockroaches crawling out of cadavers’ eye sockets, movies where Jody Foster is supposed to be alluring. That kind of stuff still makes me shudder. So do stories about rich old white men banging underaged girls at sex parties. Maybe it’s because I intend to be a rich old white man some day and I hate the negative labeling. Or because I could foresee having a daughter and wanting to murder all those exploitative fuckers with a rusty bucket to their skulls repeatedly.

Virginia Roberts is creating quite a stir because she claims in a new civil law suit that she was one of a number of teen girls creepy already convicted Wall Street financier Jeffrey Epstein kept as an underaged virtual sex slave for use by himself and his buddies in the late 90’s and early 00’s. Epstein already went to jail on a sentence that somehow got drastically reduced by the Bush White House. No, Obama didn’t invent cash for favors at 1600 Pennsylvania. Among other names Roberts fingered for diddling her and the other girls at Epstein’s get-togethers were Prince Andrew, the British Royal nobody gives a shit about, Bill Clinton, and law professor Alan Dershowitz. Prince Andrew and Alan Dershowitz have categorically denied any involvement. Though Prince Andrew’s denial was tempered by a photo of himself with his arm around Virginia around the time of these events. Bill Clinton responded with a fuck yeah I did, wait, underaged? No, that wasn’t me. Hilary, don’t get out the belt!

The Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi recently got booted in Italy when it was discovered he was having sex parties for himself and his crotchety old rich friends at his vacation villa and that some of the girls involved were underaged. I guess this Eyes Wide Shut business is more real than just metrosexual fiction. It’s always an interesting battle when girls with aggressive lawyers looking for a latter day paycheck run into scheming misers who think they’re above the law. There is no natural rooting interest.

Naturally, Vivid has jumped in to offer Virginia Roberts, now in her 30’s, a big hunk of cash to appear in one of their celebrity sex tapes. I’m certain her lawyers are advising her to wait for the bigger hush the fuck up payday before adventuring into adult entertainment and ruining her sympathy card for any potential jury. But eventually because life is pretty awesome we will get to see her naked somehow. Then we can categorically deny it. Because those denials are irrefutable.

Photo credit: UK Daily Mail