Mariah Carey Is Done

Mariah Carey is reportedly signing a long residency in Las Vegas. She’ll be entertaining people who bought her album for their kids who are now in grad programs at Vassar and wealthy Saudi dignitaries who used to stone people to her hits. This signifies the end of an era for Carey. You never hear about celebrities once they take that so short but final journey from Los Angeles to Vegas. That feeling you get the third day on freon becomes now permanent. Looking out from the sealed-in window of your suite you long to get back to where you came from. And you’ve got two shows tonight. Better mail it in. Nobody gives a shit anyway they’re just clapping at your tits and your hits. Exchange you for the chick doing your impression in Legends in Concert and they wouldn’t know the difference. Especially because she’s singing your high notes from behind the curtain. What’s 365 times 2 times 2 and where the fuck are the Xanax?

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