Gwyneth Paltrow Was a Victim

Gwyneth Paltrow interviews inevitably boil down to her trying to sound profound while discussing how nobody gives her the shit she wants. It’s like listening to a four year old channeling Aristotle during a tantrum because the Winnebago Barbie is out of stock. To perceive is to suffer… I want Barbie! On discussing her unconscious coupling from Gay Beethoven:

“I had built my life on trying to be all things to all people, and I just couldn’t do it anymore, and I really had the sense that I wasn’t allowed to have needs, and I had to prove my specialness or self-worth by doing all this stuff and taking care of everybody else, and I just sort of hit a wall.”

I don’t have a clue what that means but I’ll just assume she wants to be a super bitchy and still get laid while being told she’s beautiful. That’s a gift you may not receive from your husband who never got over his boarding school boy crushes. Paltrow says she and Chris Martin only now have the relationship they were meant to have. Which is, she can drop the kids off for a couple weeks while she experiments with tantric sex in picturesque villa getaway in Morocco, only $7,900 if you book through Goop. Let’s ignore her and hope she stays in her room.

Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar UK