GoDaddy Bitches Out (VIDEO)

Go Daddy has decided to pull a pretty funny Super Bowl commercial featuring a lost puppy who finds his way back home only to be stuffed into a crate and sold on eBay by an evil puppy mill wench. The ad was intended to mock Budweiser’s ridiculously cheese dick ad about a similar puppy and his Brokeback Mountain style relationship with his owner. PETA sounded off and Go Daddy’s CEO relented because it’s just not fucking worth it with these people:

“What should have been a fun and funny ad clearly missed the mark and we will not air it… because we’re pussies.”

I took some liberty with that very last part. Animal rights activists feel strongly this one hypothetical puppy matters because it’s fluffy and they are experiencing menopause and devoid of reason. But mostly this is the fault of GoDaddy and the weak willed corporate culture that cave to political correctness. They made the fucking commercial and obviously patted themselves on the back for being hilarious rebels of the business world. A few angry social media posts from humorless small dog owners later and ballsy is replaced with whatever the opposite of ballsy is. American corporations used to fund coups in foreign countries. Now they’re backing off Super Bowl ad buys because DreaLUVSCalicos is flaming them on Twitter. Even the Chinese eunuchs are laughing at us now.