Let’s Hold Hands Until Fifty Shades of Grey (VIDEO)

The new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is out and predictably shitty. You may as well see this when it opens on Valentine’s Day at a matinee and get it the fuck over with. It’s going to be a thing people talk about. Bring a flask of something strong. If you found Gone Girl too heady you’re in luck. Also if you think shit everyone does in the blue states is edgy you’ll be presently surprised. Turns out people talk dirty. If you haven’t tried it you’re missing out. On the flip side the farmer’s wives are going to pitch a fit once they realize they’ve missed out on dating pricks. If you see any single chicks at the theater go ahead and initiate conversation. Trust me, they’re game. If you can get out of there before the film starts you’re doing well. Save the sarcastic comments for the DVD.