Japan Still Scared Shitless of Vaginas

In the tradition of Zuckerberg, Travolta, and the Benedictine Monks, Japan collectively cringes at the sight of anything vagina. Japanese obscenity laws forbid the visual representation of anything genitalia, with notable exception for the National Penis Day parades in Japan where everybody in town shares their favorite giant sized shlong art and knick knacks. Because of the anti-junk laws, porn flicks in Japan have to blur out all closeups of the headmaster raping the schoolgirls while she either cries or giggles, I can never tell, and that frightens me.

Japanese feminist artist Megumi Igarashi got busted by the poon police for producing a 3-D printed likeness of her vagina in the form of a kayak and putting it in a store window for sale. The snatch boat threatened every single guy you know who likes to brag about how manly kayaking is. Unlike in the U.S. where Igarashi would have been rewarded with a teaching fellowship at Sarah Lawrence, in Japan she faces two years in a penitentiary and a lifetime ban from selling her used panties in train station vending machines.

It’s hard to imagine an industrialized nation in 2014 imprisoning people for making vagina shaped kayaks. That’s some Islamic state type shit. Given that the country has one of the lowest female knocked up rates in the world they might wonder if their vagina blackout is causing all those dudes hauling around ten-foot tall cocks on National Penis Day to have no clue where to stick that bad boy when they do get the chance. You let them practice dip into that kayak a few times and suddenly you’ve put a halt to your shrinking population.