Eva Longoria in A White String Bikini

The sooner you teach your kids that smiling for the public then being a monster in private is the winning formula, the sooner you can assure they aren’t living in their football banner covered rooms at twenty-eight. If animals could speak, you’d hear them giving this same speech to their own offspring before they kicked them out at sixteen weeks and ate them if they stuck around. Eva Longoria has been labeled high maintenance in Hollywood. Which means what? You won’t work with her making big cash? You wouldn’t throw your best friend in the path of an oncoming car just so you could fake grieve and try to bang her after the funeral? Life was more simple when we just called girls we couldn’t get lesbians, before we learned that was mostly true.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet