Charlie Sheen Allowed Around Children

Charlie Sheen and his ex procreation and crack smoking partner Brooke Mueller have agreed on a custody arrangement of their troubled twin sons. Sheen will be allowed monitored visits as he flop sweats through two hours of sobriety while a social worker plays frisbee with the little Damien children. The arrangement follows information that Sheen was wasted while the kids visited in the past. No word on whether or not he was more fun.

Mueller has been in and out of rehab, and stashed the kids with Sheen’s ex ex wife Denise Richards after she almost OD’d a few years ago which must have been awkard. Mueller is also being sued by her former assistant for sucking a ton of dick in front of him. Clearly these two kids are kindred spirits. If double ended crack pipes existed, they probably could’ve kept their romance alive. The kids will have to balance their future parental divorce from Sheen with his ability to introduce them to cracked out porn stars once they turn sixteen. Poor black kids have to grow up knowing cops might take them out one day. Rich white kids have to grow up knowing their dad is Charlie Sheen. Things are tough all over.

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