Candice Swanepoel Models Bikinis

This chick reminds me what a pain in the ass it must be to be a woman shopping for a bikini. I couldn’t buy a bathing suit if I saw one of the Hemsworth brothers modeling them with their abs just prior. Too much fucking pressure to look Thor. Unless you’ve got a body like Candice Swanepoel, this Victoria’s Secret shit is going to be riding your crack and unflattering your flaws. I’d still buy it because there are starving kids in India who need day jobs. But I’d have buyer’s remorse the minute I pulled that thong out of my bag at home and realized I was going to look like a tied Christmas roast. I’d make a horrible woman.

Photo Credit: Victorias Secret