Barbara Walters Embracing Old Age with More Selling Out

You’d think you’d get to some age when you tell the world, fuck you, I’m shit tired of selling out. Barbara Walters had seven billion people to choose from for her insipid Most Fascinating Person of the Year honorific. She went with George Clooney’s new wife, Amal Alamuddin. Between smuggling mortar rounds for Hamas in her YSL luggage and flashing her ring to the Obama kids and telling them maybe somebody they’ll blow their own movie star, Amal is a relatively interesting person. She probably fucks like a champ too. That’s a Clooney checklist bold and all caps line item. That makes her somewhat interesting. But most Fascinating Person in the World or just a big celebrity ratings get?

Babs shilled on her list with the likes of Taylor Swift, but Taylor Swift sold eighty-three billion albums last year, beating Iron Maiden’s Best Of fourth re-release by eighty-three billion units in sales. This makes Swift in the very least worth studying. Alamuddin married a hot dude with cash and talked shit about America and capitalism. That’s not fascinating, that’s every rich wife Obama donor in Brentwood. I had hope for Barbara when she approached eighty and announced she had fucked the extra-marital shit out of the first Black Senator back in the 70’s. Now that’s a story. Ebola workers, an uninspired pick by Time, but at least they do shit like cure Ebola. George Clooney’s wife is only going to bush it on your grave when you die, Babs. You could’ve reached higher.

Photo credit: Splash News