Rihanna’s New Fragrance Smells Like Bad Sex

Nobody understands the aroma of rogue love better than Rihanna. It might smell like the back of Chris Brown’s hand or the taste of a Barbados fishing charter boat deck after too many mojitos and Strawberry Cough, but mostly to Rihanna, it smells like:

…that moment when love first hits you with a wild rush that goes through your whole body, A mixture of fresh citrus and succulent peach with juicy berries.

I’ve ever experienced that kind of fruit-filled sensual rush before. Though I’ve come close while erotically perusing a farmer’s market with Emmanuelle in Bangkok.  Rogue Love is so complex, it requires yet another paragraph of overwrought description:

The scent is likened to the fluttering of the love-struck heartbeat with layers upon layers of lush, rich florals. The petals are a radiant texture with vibrant colors of honeysuckle, jasmine and orchid splashed with the simply irresistible seduction of coconut”

I’m from the northern climates so I’m going to assume I can substitute the seductive scent of moldy keg lines and Frank’s Hot Sauce for coconuts when tapping the erotic memories in my own hippocampus.  I’m not sure who buys this shit at $70 a pop, but I’m guessing it’s the millions and millions of people I like to pretend don’t run this planet because we can’t possibly be that naive.