Nick Jonas Busted A Nut

Nick Jonas clarified he is no longer a virgin which means he most likely has been porking his Miss USA and Miss Universe girlfriend Olivia Culpo like a boss. Jonas was indoctrinated into the Jonas Brothers at age 12 at which point he was forced to wear a Purity Ring to symbolize his undying commitment to not getting sued by any wealthy parents of ten year old groupies:

“We all grow up, we all live life and find out what’s important to us. I am now comfortable with who I am and what I believe in.”

I’m guessing this revelation took form as a harem of wide eyed subservient peers waiting to suck you dry as opposed to a ring you got from a holistic preacher on QVC. Nick is now 22 but lost his virginity two years ago and probably ruined a full bed sheet set in the process. And some curtains. Plus the Mona Lisa print in that Grafton now appears to be weeping. Losing your virginity at 2o is nothing to be ashamed of. Unless you’ve been turning down hot ass since you were twelve. Then its just a waste. You went to an all you can eat and ordered a salad from the menu. In the future be true to yourself and all men. That means lay off the jewelry and patent leather.

Photo Credit: Instagram