Gabriel Aubry Unemployable

Halle Berry’s ex husband is an idle hand living off her financial support. After Berry’s new hot fuck buddy Olivier Martinez beat the shit out of him, Aubry claims he was unable to get modeling work for six months because his face was fucked up and male modeling pay is an urban legend yet to be confirmed. Aubry is bilking $16,000 a month in child support, which he is spending mostly on his own tastes in expensive gym memberships and interracial porn. It’s unclear if his lack of job opportunities stem from his face being fucked up or because his only known accomplishment in life is banging Halle Berry. Not that that’s a small one. The couple share custody of their young child so the cash will keep flowing until that kid goes off to college, giving Aubry about a dozen years to make up a tear jerker backstory and find a wealthy widow to sponge bathe on Tuesdays. It’s somewhat reassuring to know that both men and women now suffer financially from marrying trophy spouses.

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