Ebola Now Ruining Naked People Vacations

If there’s two things you don’t want to run into on vacation, it’s sand dunes filled with pasty white naked Europeans and a boat load of sickly looking African immigrants. Baywatch Canary Islands enacted protocol Numero Holy Shit when a rickety skiff full of feverish black persons ran aground at their nude beach. They ordered the Africans not to fucking move while they tossed them masks and lit their boat on fire. Then they ordered the weary travelers onto the back of an empty garbage truck and drove them to the other side of the island where a bunch of resort workers could quietly put them in another raft and shove them back out into the Atlantic. The Canary Islands, under the dominion of Spain, has a somewhat more harsh Ebola containment plan than the U.S. where high risk West African travelers are greeted with an autographed picture of Obama and annual passports to the Disneyland amusement parks.

It was later determined that none of the escapees from Africa were carrying the trendy deadly disease, just some run of the mill malaria and kuru. The people of the Canary Islands felt pretty shitty so they sent a dove carrying a message of peace out to the drifting death ship to apologize and wished them the best of luck on their 23-day trade wind drift toward South America.