Chelsea Handler Tits Losing Staying Power

At this point, Chelsea Handler’s posting pictures of her bare tits to Twitter, Pinterest, and local Yelp restaurant reviews. She’s desperately trying to prove there’s a double standard regarding toplessness in online social media. Or, she’s desperately trying to keep her name in the papers for doing the one thing that will get her notice. I suppose it could be both, if you’re super fucking naive.

The fact that topless males are considered okay with your censoring types and advertisers while topless women are considered verboten is a discussion that goes back to the first time a caveman ever told a cavewoman to cover up her tits. Humans are the only mammals where the females have permanently engorged breasts. I bet you didn’t know that because you don’t watch twelve hours of NatGeo daily. Lady boobs have evolved so as to get man dick to want to spring into action and make babies. The love of tits isn’t a learned behavior for men, it comes preprogrammed in your nads. And it simply can’t be unlearned even with the trauma of Chelsea Handler topless river boating pictures.

Whether or not the Zuckerberg empire should allow tits to be shown is a different matter. Everybody points to Europe as the model of topless gender equality in public imagery. Any time people point to Europe for any reason other than to conquer it, I know they’re probably wrong. I stand by the ban. I have no trouble seeing nice tits on the Internet. We don’t need a sacred forum for the not nice ones.

Photo Credit: Twitter