Amanda Bynes Sleeping in Malls and Shooting Selfies

Being street crazy isn’t the same in Hollywood. You grab a couple Z’s at the Beverly Center, throw back some vegan Mediterranean on The Strip, a few selfies to fancy up your bipolar Twitter rants, and it’s still only ten in the morning. Plenty of time to figure out how to get your hands on a set of wheels and plow into a school yard full of famous kids who have clearly kidnapped your dog.

Amanda Bynes parents are leaving town. Somebody had to give and old people can’t compete with young crazy. They’re taking ownership of Amanda’s bank accounts with them to Texas, leaving a hired hand in charge of keeping her from legally obtaining pills from Canadian or Mexican online pharmacies. Amanda gets $100 bucks a day in allowance, which isn’t enough to do anything spectacularly nutty, so she’s sticking to the watermelon balls and martyred Tweets about mysterious being foiled.

There’s really nothing to do now but listen to ACLU lectures the rights of the street crazy and wait for her to do something criminal. It’s too morbid to start laying out the possible scenarios, but just in case I’ve got a hundred on a trifecta of man-made tower, nakedness, and self-immolation.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI