Alessandra Ambrosio Isn’t Latin

A guy once tried to punch me for calling Brazilians, Latinos. Because I obviously am deeply versed in the colonial studies of South America, which gay priests killed which natives and took over which countries before being handed over to bearded dictators in a revolving door of coupes, counter coupes, and decade after decade of the same fucking music that was super popular on West African radio in the late 18th century. I barely remember my own country’s origins. What I do remember has been modified to ‘those dudes raped people with smallpox and owned slaves and we hate them now’. I got nothing, Brazilians. I know you don’t speak Spanish, you speak Portuguese, which is Spain’s next door neighbor and you look the same to me and smell like paella. What I meant to say was, there’s Brazilian Alessandra Ambrosio and her boobs at the Latin Grammy’s. Let’s go crack her over the skull with some maracas.

Photo Credit: The Grosby Group/AKM-GSI