War Machine’s Ultimate Hold

War Machine attempted to strangle himself with a bed sheet while in jail cell awaiting trial on badly assaulting his girlfriend charges and must have tapped out before a prison guard cut him free. His lawyers clearly told him he’s legally fucked for about the next thirty years. On the bright side, if you happen to be obsessed with physical violence and dude fucking, you really couldn’t pick a better place to spend your days than state prison.

War Machine specialized in knocking out people weaker than him, so it’s surprising he couldn’t figure out how to sucker hang himself. All you need is to get drunk, shine one of those prison mirrors against the bars and throw a haymaker. One of your two parties will lose. At that point you can try and jam your finger up your own ass and throw that homemade noose around your neck. War Machine left a note most likely explaining what a badass he was to the very end. It’s got to be disheartening ultimately knowing you’re not as committed as the Cleveland kidnapper.

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