Slipknot Shit Out of Luck

Slipknot was denied the ability to light barrels of camel shit on fire by officials during the upcoming Knotfest Music Festival. They had planned to “Infest your brain, body and clothes for days” with shit other than their questionable music. It’s unclear if this was a poorly directed marketing ploy, or a spec of genius to cover for how Slipknot fans carry the stench of lonely teen boys preparing their arsenals for town square shootings.

The legal problem was not with the shit itself, but with oil they planned to mix with the feces. If you ever find yourself in this line of conversation as a lawyer just return to South Texas and open a shoddy strip club. Slipknot plans to bank royalties off this meth convention into the near future while comfortably never returning:

“It’s something that we want to be in control of so much that it can exist without us.”

The disparity between the marketing savvy of costumed novelty musical acts and the intelligence of their fans remains high. I bet the lead singer of Slipknot is smarter than John Mayer. But Mayer fans wouldn’t be caught dead near a pile of steaming shit. Nonetheless, the two can share a beer with each other when catching a glance at the Delta Sky Club en route to Maui. The moral of the story is learn how to play guitar and don’t listen to your parents.

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