Morrissey Is Dying, Just Not Fast Enough

To his list of ongoing ailments and maladies, vegetarian activist and occasional singer Morrissey told the people of Spain he has recently had cancer scrapings. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I know I’m skipping that particular platter at the Home Town Buffet. As always, the former Smiths singer was able to sum up his feelings in a brief bit of seemingly bad-ass, but ultimately emo martyr type phrasing:

I have had four cancer-scrapings, but so what. If I die, I die. If I don’t, then I don’t

He’s far more verbose when comparing meat eaters to insidious evil rapists and genocidal demons. Never has Morrissey conceded that omitting animal flesh from his diet since the age of fourteen might be the actual cause of his never-ending maladies. Or maybe God just has a wicked sense of humor for those who forsake Genesis.

I know I look quite bad on recent photographs, but I am afraid this is what illness does to the overall countenance. I will save relaxation for when I’m dead.

Dammit, Morrissey, stop being so fucking vegan-awesome. He’s like a superhero who cries a lot and has remarkably regular bowel movements. If I had a whiny self-righteous bisexual son, I’d want him to grow up to be just like Morrissey.

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