Lindsay Lohan Commissions a Nude Portrait

When nobody wants to see your tits anymore, you’ve got two choices. Breastfeeding selfies or commissioning a street artist to paint you as a naked Marilyn Monroe. Lindsay Lohan’s probation terms don’t allow her to handle infants, so she paid a dude in London to paint her tits. The great families of Europe have been sitting for portraits for generations. The less great families have been paying street artists and latex sex toy manufacturers to model their genitals for a while now too.

I love Lindsay, she is beautiful. She has had such hard times, but comes back even more beautiful. I loved painting her. — Pegasus, street artist commissioned by Lindsay.

Looks like some street artist just got a fat check. Lindsay fancies herself as Marilyn as both women famously abused alcohol and prescription drugs and slept with more people than they could possibly remember. Next stop, Elton John’s house to down pay on a Candle in the Wind requiem. You can’t take the chance the Pinball Wizard might forget you when you’re gone.

Photo Credit: Instagram/Splash