Kim Jong Un Gimpy

A North Korean mouthpiece says Kim Jong Un has not been seen in over a month because he hurt his leg taking part in military exercises. If this is true it could explain his absence since North Korean doctors have never before treated or seen a fat person and usually mercy kill anyone with a sore throat. The report seems suspicious, mostly because it attempts to conjure up the coolest possible way to become injured:

“He ordered all the generals to take part in drills and he took part too. They were crawling and running and rolling around, and he pulled a tendon… He injured his ankle and knee around late August or early September while drilling because he is overweight. He limped around in the beginning but the injury worsened.”

I’m no doctor, but when you pull a tendon you are supposed to rest it. Then it gets better. Given that Un professionally rests to begin with, this explanation is bullshit. Maybe he has an infection and will resurface with a peg leg, which would be a whimsical development on the diplomatic front. My guess is he posing as a traveling Korean businessman and is currently receiving decent medical care at a hospital in Los Angeles. where a scraped knees doesn’t mean grim death from gangrene. I hope at least one doctor recognizes him and surgically implants an electric buzzer we can remotely activate from the States while Un gives his ceremonial speeches to his starving population. Dance, Supreme Leader, dance.

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