Juiced Up David Beckham Ditches His Three Year Old

There’s a good reason why David Beckham left his preschool age daughter alone in the car over the weekend. Juice. Pressed organic juice. Just a quickie. One more for the road. It’s been so long. Daddy needs his fix. Try not to be kidnapped. I’ll leave the window down so you can scream.

People obsessed with flushing out their rectal toxins before, after, and occasionally during Soul Cycle classes are wreaking video poker addict level social havoc. I don’t care how much she ruins the jaunty juicing line amateur nutritionist chatter  you can’t leave a three year old alone in a car while you wait for your fix. Victoria Beckham likely will respond to this revelation with a not amused frozen smile. It’s her angry face, happy face, sex face, and just saw a ghost face. Looks like somebody’s going to be using their mistress’ toilet tonight to extrude that raw kale and chard fiber goodness.

I try not to show pictures of celebrity kids because it means Dax Sheppard and Kristen Bell having vegan sex outside my door in protest. If I can save just one celebrity kid’s life, I can abide watching Shepard massage his own prostate long after Kristen Bell has gone home to water the sprouts.