Gwyneth Paltrow Declares Obama Super Fucking Handsome

Not many people can throw a party that shuts down an entire metropolis. By force. By all accounts, Gwyneth Paltrow’s super gluten free soiree fundraiser for President Obama was a smashing success. Gwyneth got the chance to look wicked important in front of her politically automated Hollywood peers while virtually fellating the Commander in Chief like she was an excited teen applying for a job at the coolest bike shop in town.

“You’re so handsome I can hardly speak”.

Yep, she actually said that. Along with seventeen other blathered girly platitudes. Gwyneth saved room for creampie dessert by mentioning how super awesome wonderful Obama was in working toward eliminating the gender pay gap, especially for working moms like herself. It is rather ridiculous that she only earned seven million for the last Iron Man 3 while her cast mate and chief villain Guy Pearce made one million. Wait, which is more again? Either way, one of the seven nannies needs to pack her shit and go.

I’m not sure how much organic goat’s milk cheese you can consume to earn out your $25,000 party entry free, but a commemorative photo with the bestest President ever and the chance to sneak off and smell Gwyneth’s superior Moroccan bed sheets can’t be calculated in dollars. I would be kind of pissed when they switched to cash bar after 9pm.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI