Ebola Chapter 2: Wherein the Unspreadable Virus Spreads

A nurse who treated Ebola Guy in Dallas has tested positive for Ebola. The CDC, who exists now entirely to assure people they can’t possibly contract Ebola, blames the transmission to the nurse on an error in protocols. Specifically, while the nurse was wearing gloves and masks and gowns and face masks, she was not wearing the full Apollo 13 head to toe space suit with respirator which is highly recommended if you drew the short stick job of assisting vomiting and spewing Ebola patients. In short, so long as nobody makes any mistakes, we’re all good. Just like the Raiders would be 5-0 if they didn’t make mistakes. The nurse’s apartment has been sprayed down and quarantined while all of her worldly possessions have been packed into sealed steel drums. Just think about that the next time you complain about your neighbor being the worst. Also, men in super scary suits cornered her dog. The Dallas mayor said officials have a “plan to take care of the pet”. I’m sure they mean a farm filled with rabbits and t-bone steaks.

The CDC is reminding everybody that if we just stick to the protocol nobody knowns or has been trained for, we’re going to be just fine. As a precaution, they recommend you call you loved ones and remind them how important they are to you.

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