Ebola Be Gone!

The White House acted fast in this Ebola criss that started a long time ago by reversing their policy of encouraging West African travelers with raging fevers to come to America to purchase our custom slogan t-shirts to now special screening those very same passengers at five U.S. airports.

Passengers arriving from West Africa to Atlanta, New York, Chicago or D.C. now will be pulled into a separate line in customs where they will have their temperatures taken and be given a speech begging them to not respond to any future Ebola like symptoms by visiting the nearest Chuck E. Cheese and licking all the pizzas. Any sequestered passengers testing with high fevers or other Ebola symptoms will be escorted to a special CDC holding area while heavyset TSA officials race into the streets after all the other people who just spent twelve hours locked in an air-tight cylinder with the Ebola carriers.

America, rest easy tonight. We’ve got this Ebola thing figured out.

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