Dad from 7th Heaven Ain’t Going to Heaven

Stephen Collins of 7th Heaven pastor dad fame might’ve liked to expose his junk to grade school girls and maybe have one or two young neighbor girls touch his dick. But this was all in his experimental 40’s and 50’s where we know guys get to trying out some new things like skinny jeans or Thai sex tours between marriages.

Collins decided to come clean and confess his sex crimes (sort of like the sex crimes people commit by looking at Jennifer Lawrence hacked photos, but not as bad obviously) to his second wife, Faye Grant. Faye Grant just sounds like a conniving wife’s name in a Lifetime movie, the kind who discovers her husband has dark secrets and so decided to start recording his late night confessions. Precisely As Grant did as Collins confessed to child sex offenses during their marital therapy sessions in 2012. Apparently, it’s fully legal to secretly tape another party in California if you are doing so in the course of coaxing a confession of a violent crime. That Nancy Drew clause seems like a pretty vague standard, nevertheless, it’s California, so there it is. And here’s the audio recording.

Naturally, neither Grant or the therapists who must’ve been present decided to turn the taped confession over to the authorities. Grant waited a couple years until their divorce proceedings got heated. Having your spouse on tape confessing to taking an eleven year old girl’s hand and putting it on his penis is much better ammo than ‘he never asked me how my day was’ when feuding over the split of marital assets. If a few more kids had to be put at risk while you waited to make your move, so be it. Mama wants the beach house.

Collins resigned this morning from his role on the Screen Actor’s Guild Board of Directors and was immediately canned from his current role filming on Ted 2. Hollywood will not put up with perverts who aren’t savvy enough to not get caught.