Charlie Sheen Probably Not Sober

Charlie Sheen admits he freaked out at his dentist office and flailed his arms around knocking over a bunch of shit, but says he was totally sober. Accept for an untold molehill of prescription meds he was taking for a supposed shoulder injury, but those drugs don’t count because they are taxed. A dental assistant claims Sheen hit her and pulled a knife on her. Charlie says he was merely spazzing out after being given the nitrous oxide he almost certainly requested, a reaction unheard of in modern medical science. The assistant has since been fired on a technicality because she had mentioned to her son that Sheen was in the office and getting his crackhead teeth replaced with those of baby bottle nosed dolphins. If you own a medical practice it’s probably a better move to throw your assistant under the bus than get into a lengthy and highly publicized lawsuit from a guy with tons of cash and coke rage. We will never know, or care, what really happened here. But in a game of who is more likely a big fat fucking liar, I might be temped to go with the drugged out celebrity banging porn stars than the chick who cleans people’s disgusting mouths nine hours a day just to pay the rent and feed her kid.

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