Urban Outfitters Is Desperate

Urban Outfitters has stooped to a new low in their attempt to appeal to kitschy tongue in cheek hipsters and frat boys who let their shirts do their talking because they were born without personalities. They recently offered up a Kent State sweatshirt which looks like blood is spattered all over it. You don’t have to run a CSNY fan page on Facebook to get the reference. This keeps with Urban Outfitter’s tradition of offering up shitty puns and juxtapositions on their clothing. It’s one thing to sell a five dollar T shirt for thirty bucks because it says “Suck My Footlong” with a picture of a sandwich. It’s another to intertwine your bullshit company with one of America’s national tragedies. Kent State was not amused:

“This item is beyond poor taste and trivializes a loss of life that still hurts the Kent State community today.”

To be fair, Kent State could actually do something important so maybe people can get over the dead students from forty-five years ago. Maybe they can buy one of those God particle laboratories and accidentally blow up the universe or something. Urban Outfitters was quick to respond to the outrage, or not so quick if you consider they had a pre-prepared statement in the hip pocket and all they had to do was unfold it:

“Urban Outfitters sincerely apologizes for any offense our Vintage Kent State Sweatshirt may have caused. It was never our intention to allude to the tragic events that took place at Kent State in 1970 and we are extremely saddened that this item was perceived as such… There is no blood on this shirt nor has this item been altered in any way. The red stains are discoloration from the original shade of the shirt and the holes are from natural wear and fray.”

That’s not really even a decent attempt at a lie. I hope someone pipe bombs Urban Outfitters corporate headquarters, takes a photo of the debris and rubble, and laminates it on a shirt that says “Urban Outfitters Is The Bomb”. It would be nice if nobody died during the bombing so I can live with myself. Charge one-hundred bucks for the shirt and hipsters will instinctively start forming a line.

Photo Credit: Urban Outfitters