UNC Endorses Sausage Fests

A small group of sexless dorks led by University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill senior Trevor Dougherty staged a pointless and ineffective Silent Protest outside of a bar which charges cheaper admission for female customers. Dougherty was quick to spew some sociological drivel about how his thirst for more man ass in the local scene is part of an egalitarian philosophy and not a pathetic attempt at self acceptance:

“Men pay more, women pay less and in that way, women are commodified and objectified and this whole culture of mistreatment continues… So we were standing up against this policy of reduced cover, reduced admission because it gives economic incentive to women to go, and it puts economic pressure on men to pay for everything. It just continues this patriarchal culture, and it’s unacceptable.”

No doubt a few misguided straight dudes were in tow wrongfully assuming their heroic sitting would catch the attention of the chicks shaking their tight sexy asses in the nearby bar, getting tipsy on lemon drops en route to a blissful fuck on a fraternity pool table. Of course it is technically discrimination to charge separate prices for chicks but it’s the kind nobody minds because it leads to increased rates of sloppy oral. A business should be able to do whatever it wants, so Dougherty’s next petition for mandatory Androgynous EDM Night at any local tavern in the name of diversity should be explicitly ignored and shoved back in his pasty emo grill.

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