Selena Gomez Moving In With Her Boyfriend

According to over three magazines I leafed through at the checkout stand while watching yet another woman argue for smokes with her EBT card, Selena Gomez is moving in with Justin Bieber. This should put her closer to the action watching her miniature boyfriend sizzurp with his jocular entourage and bang teenage runaways who hate their fathers for good reason. I know nobody listens to their friends when they try to warn them off bad relationships. Still, it must be weird to have your friends and the entire planet’s population imploring you the very same. It’s like the Amityville Horror, except that every single fucking house in the world is telling you to get the fuck out. Outside of some random outliers, everybody eventually gets something close to what they deserve in this life. The misery that will overcome this girl’s face when awareness strikes as she lay beneath this twitchy midget will make Munch’s scream look like a suburban smile. She deserves that.

Photo Credit: Instagram