Lara Bingle May Have Pregnant Tits

Among the people who give a shit, there’s rampant speculation that Australian model Lara Bingle is pregnant by the dude in the wheelchair from Avatar. He put a little of his unobtainium in her mother tree, if you know what I’m saying. Celebrity magazines are assuming she’s knocked up because her tits have looked bigger of late. I have no clue if that’s true, but I like the direction this is headed. Tits are the window to the soul. Physicians and the homeless alike now have permission to stare catatonically at a woman’s breasts in public to determine her physical and mental condition. Oh, danglers, you look sad. Your nipples point toward gum disease. Your crazy knockers tell me your spitting out your bipolar meds again. If Lara Bingle’s going without a bra, I’m putting my quarter on the rail for this game. I’m probably going to get punched again.

Photo Credit: Fame Flynet