Iggy Azalea Sex Tape

Iggy Azalea has a sex tape, or so says the purveyors of fine pseudo celebrity porn at Vivid who exclusively leak both real and unreal information through TMZ in a partnership of pure evil. Like the Legion of Doom, if Solomon Grundy had Harvey Levin’s cock in his mouth. Azalea’s legal team is scrambling with every pre-emptive legal 101 in the book, including the tried and true  ‘she was underage’ when her boyfriend slash business partner shot the two of them humping her pre-fat injected ass. Child porn threats are the nuclear option for young celebrities caught flashing their genitals on camera.

Nobody climbs the ladder of success in the music business without a few rungs made entirely of deviously bent poles that request servicing. The difference these days is everybody has a camera. I’ve never felt the desire to film my intimate moments with another woman. I guess if I were boning a rising star like Iggy Azalea I might be more inclined to figure out video mode on my cell phone, a feature previously reserved for proud parents and people filming ongoing disasters rather than providing assistance. I’ll show you what I can of the tape once it arises, unless she really is underage in which case we’ll assemble in my tree house and pass around the View-Master and swear not to tell a soul.