Eva Longoria’s New Movie Must Really Suck (VIDEO)

Eva Longoria appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live for a haphazard cooking segment designed to promote her new illegal immigration themed movie that absolutely nobody will ever see. Publicists who think in precisely two dimensions got the bright idea for Eva to cook a Mexican egg dish to tie in with the movie. I guess she balked at the mustache, poncho and sombrero.  Though somebody off-camera held up a picture of Speedy Gonzalez so Eva would remember to hit the Mexican accent hard. It was pretty clear that Eva Longoria knew how to cook at one point in her life. But that was probably five in-house chefs  ago. Eva stumbled around and almost ignited a gallon of grease and ended up mashing a bunch of shit together on a plate like a toddler constructing a Lunchable.

Cooking segments on talk shows are just plain bad television. There are ten thousand cooking shows on seventeen different channels where real chefs are actually cooking tasty looking shit you could never make. The entire conceit of a conventional talk show seems so horribly outdated. Now that we get so much real dirt on celebrities, seeing them sit on a couch spewing rehearsed cute stories just seems nonsensical. They need to invent the talk show where Eva Longoria strips down to her panties while an assertive host demands she confess to all the dudes she’s been boning since she left Tony Parker. That’s so much better than crappy eggs and fake laughs.