Dwight Howard Can’t Stop

Dwight Howard was busted by red light cameras 9 times in 10 months for not waiting and just going through them, presumably on dark Florida nights headed for some parking lot blow jobs at the Chuck E Cheese. It’s very satisfying to run those lights when no cars are within sight. You promise yourself you’ll use the time you saved to write a letter to your grandma or organize your closet until you get home and start looking at porn. Howard stopped his habit at 9 tickets, but recently got another one which means a suspended license. He can reinstate it for $285 bucks, because you can drag race through red lights on bath salts if you keep paying the state of Florida. In California he would have been thrown into county for having an oversized license plate frame. No wonder he ditched the Lakers.