Lauren Silverman In A Bikini

You’ve got to be pretty stoked when your boring husband befriends a wealthy celebrity who shows a strong interest in plowing you. In a Lifetime movie, this would end up in some kind of deadly love triangle. In real life, Simon Cowell bangs a baby in you and you tell your husband you’re leaving for the world of luxury hotels and spas and yachts. It’s like hitting the Scratchers jackpot. You put your existing kid in the care of Jewish nuns in Gstaad and off you go for a whirlwind eighteen month run until you come back to the London brownstone to see a note on the door telling you your stuff is in storage and thank you for vagina service and if you shut the fuck up there’s a decent check coming your way. It could be worse. Most women never get the check.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News