Jerry Jones Sextorted! What the Fuck Does That Even Mean?

Some crazy dude with a Messiah complex has been stalking Jerry Jones because I guess he lacks the imagination to find somebody more interesting to harass. Frank Hoover’s not even a pissed off Cowboys fan, which would make actual sense. He’s just a dude who thinks he’s Jesus sent from heaven to protect Jerry Jones from some unseen evil, though not actually helpful enough to warn Jerry against expecting Tony Romo to win a Super Bowl. Earlier this year, Hoover sent a 20-page manifesto to Jerry Jones that you can try to decipher if you’re fluent in the psychotic arts. The rambling letter contained racy photos of a presumably loaded Jerry Jones in a bathroom with young women doing some stupid strip club type selfies. Hoover claimed he wanted to protect Jones from an extortion plot, also the CIA, the NSA, the National Organization for Women, and the men stationed on the moon and read our thoughts.

For some reason, Jones and his attorneys chose to ignore Hoover. This being 2014 when crazy people have massive public digital media fora built just for their crazy, Hoover started publicizing the photos on Twitter and mailing off his cryptic rants to various sports media outlets. Now it’s a thing I guess. This isn’t exactly Donald Sterling. This is just a rich dude from Texas getting his drink on and taking photos with a couple party girls. If you imagine this is the worst thing Jerry Jones does in his private life, then you’re pretty crappy at imagining.

The only question really unanswered here is how Dallas Jesus got the photos. He claims they were sent to him by a group of people intent on sextorting Jones. Obviously, any experienced blackmailer is going to want to share his plans with a nut job on Twitter before rolling out. If this is the best they’ve got, this is pretty weak. Jones isn’t even on tapetelling the girls how much he hates the Mexicans coming to Cowboys games. Step up your game, sextorters. You’re giving grifters a big black eye this morning.

Photo Credit: Twitter